debilitating

When Slumdog Millionaire came, India Knight introduced me to the term ‘poverty porn’. It is for people who get kick out of watching images of misery and poverty of others and at times get tonic for being ‘do gooder’. I certainly don’t belong there. I also understand people who despise emotional crap. East or west ‘emo’ are looked down upon. But I want to put my week’s sight seeing so here I go again…

I almost enjoyed Sanyaasashrum for a while when I was alone but Indian Ocean has power to bring even robots to Life. You cant stand on the shore and watch for long. Before you know it, a tide comes and sweeps you right in deep waters... Before I can consult my inner self about righteousness to be on the side of either Savitri or Gangamma, I am dragged and drenched in the thick of their ordeal. Isn’t that ironic that she should find me from crowded neighborhood, who would know better than me what she is going through with her stomach problems? All be it reluctantly.

…..So Gangamma did not get better, after usual X-Ray, CT scan and all, she needs surgical treatment. Savitri called her own mother to be by the side of patient as she herself wants to keep working and look after 3 kids; one of Gangaama and 2 of her own with running of house. I asked ‘why your mother, why not call G’s parents?’ and I hear ‘G has no family’.

Oh now I am intrigued! Now I have questions about perceived Villian Venky for hurting both ladies! But let it unfold at its own pace, we have urgent health need to be taken care of.

Savitri smarter of the two can speak, 3 broken languages, write phone numbers in English and handles everything around Gangamma. Her son is taking care of G’s girl of under 2 years. She wants only Bhaiya to dress her up before she goes to her English medium ‘Sunshine’ nursery. Knowing the health development, now Savitri’s mother rushes her married son and Savitri’s brother from their village (he is married and after a girl child opted for operation, who says unpadh, gunvaar pay too much emphasis to boy child?) with 10 k ruppees. Madam ko denaa pade toh tum jaldi jao. And Savitri needs him to accompany her at night due to fear of safety(!) and to run tiffins for their mother and G. Savitri has no issues that her kids go to Kannada medium or the casepaper refers Gangama as ‘Mrs. Gangamma’. Life without any issues of any nature. In fact after liberating herself and kids, now G has moved in with her. None of them want vicious Venky near them.

(So Bhai bhi hai and yeh sub bhi karta hai! That would be envy for some)

After first independent visit to Government Hospital Victoria, they repeated four times Madam, hospital thik nahi hai. I thought they are not happy with Hospital so I asked what other options we can think of from limited money? Do you prefer to go else where? No she clarifies. ‘madam, TUMHARE LIYE thik nahi hai, 5 minute bhi aap ko le jana thik nahi.

The building is a cross between majestic british empire building with roman columns, emblems , gold verdigris and a cold stone built jail. I felt as if I would choke with the feel and condition of the building, patients and processes. Once admitted I had hard time changing her unit and surgeon. No computer records to see the progress, no way I can get hold of desired doctor, no food for patient, plenty of mosquitos at night. Big frame of queen Victoria’s lace has been eaten up by fungus and nearly same of the great ramanujan and radhakrishnan.

OH too much to take in. I am burdened with gulit..
I could not generate fund to change her to bigger and better place.
I wish I could make walls of OPD bit more interesting and bearable by spray paint,
I wish I had blanket for mother to spend night on floor.
I wish I did not have to put up with greeting ‘swine flu’ testing as I entered.
In the ward I keep my eyes to my self, in case I get drawn to other Gs.
I try not to breath in case I get flu of some description from unsightly infirms.
Although so much of cheering and jeering from Keyur and his colleagues I could not move her to another unit. When I tried to speak to her original surgeon he asked ‘mere se operation nahi karavaana hai, kya?’
see, surgeons are very possessive about their patients undergoing surgery elsewhere !!!

So defeated on all account like a 'charity school drop out kid' I came back home. I reassured ‘S’ and family that we need to have some faith in God. We did what we could, in fact instead of hating, you are caring so lets shake the guilt out. If that helps me shake my own frustration for not doing enough.

Every time S talks about other ladies she refers as 'woh telugu maam’, ‘woh bangaalee maam’, ‘tamil mam’ so I had to ask her this, ‘mera naam kya rakha hai?’ she covers her eyes with shyness and says with giggle ‘doctor madam’! that’s fastest and easiest way I can get a ‘degree’. And in Rick, rickshawalla tell her, mera madam, mera madam kya bolata hai yeh toh tumara bhagwan hai. (now I know how we got 33 Cr devathas!!). On ward they saw me as Gangamma’s hero. Zero to hero in one journey across Bangalore is not a bad deal.

So treatment continues…life continues…