Uttarayan from Dakshinayan

Its been long since I put pen to paper/finger to keyboard. I saw lot of activity on the net with dry celebration of Uttarayan in words only! But mere words also has power to bring radiance and happiness and positive state of mind to life. Through my 'Dakshinayan' stay I found a mentor/s who helped me grow.

So what was my Uttarayan like?

I have been fortunate to join group of ladies who meet to bring self awareness through inner wisdom through ancient scientific wisdom. One of the activity we do is join in for guided meditation to celebrate special days. Uttarayan is all about Sun, so we had short session of reciting 2 verses admiring the power of Sun God.

so what was the quick thoughts reemphasized?

That Sun is Karma yogi. He tirelessly and without break does the job of providing the univerese with energy, fire and light.
That Sun is ultimate believer in equal opportunity for all, he shines upon good as well as bad, clever or dumb, rich or poor.
That we are made of five elements and so is nature. when our elements are in sync with natures there is no room for ailments. Sun is one of the element, Fire. I pray that he burns my negativity, weaknesses, fears with his fire. He grants me fire to motivate me for lots of good actions, he grants me energy for my very existence.
That Sun is ultimate teacher. Without mere functional tubelight we cant even reach to googlemata for our curious thirst for knowledge. Sun's light brings spiritual light to life itself that is again gift of nature.

We worship Hanuman ji for expert of five types grammer and master of knowledge, mannerism and public speaking. His Guru (the one who removes darkness of ignorance with light) is Sun. And Sun said ' its going to be difficult teaching you as I keep on moving' to that commited Hanumanji rotated facing sun five times. Thats just a gist but more I have to find out the exchanges between the two giants.

There are quick ways to recharge our tired batteries. One posture is just standing and spreading the hands like wings and palms facing up with head tilted little upward as if soaking in sun for 3 minutes. And ofcourse if we are overflowing with energy then surya namaskar, sun salute marathon.

For guided meditation we created our own little space. just like so many of my NRG friends were on terrace of their memory to fly kites. In this space we focused on gloden sun and soaked in the glow till I my own shape and image dissolved in golden glow. Specially in cold countries when we suffer from winter blues guided meditation will work wonders, I guess. When we pick up travel catelogue that is also guided meditation only we fail to soak in each page and creat little more recreation in mind. Mind is magnet so I am going to keep it as beautiful as I can.

Yes, indeed I missed my home state of vibrant Gujarat.There are many ways to achieve the same result and fun and playfulness is easiest and most powerful. We gujaratis surely know how to have fun in festivity. For navaratri we play garba, for sankranti we play kite, for holi we play colours, for diwali some play cards (not me). Play Play and more play. In my joureny of dakshinayan I found in south its Puja, puja and more puja.

As for the kites, for my young buddies, I say fly as high as possible and feel freedom and lightness but stay grounded. After a fleight come back to ground. without that very imporatant string, you will be lost floating in wilderness.

I must send some snaps of Bangalore streets, its covered with sweet sugarcanes with its greens on the top. Let me enjoy organic living while it lasts!

Now back to my guided meditation... this time I am not saying the word undhioo, but having this vivid image of sugarcane farm and clay pot backed undhiya complete with purple kund, raw bananna and methi dumpling garnish with fresh green garlic leaves from orchard, sev and freshly squeeze lemon and peanut corriander chutni...mmwwa, finger licking uudhiyoo na dekha, na suna kabhi pahele!!!!

Wishing you all refreshing vegetables and spring sunshine from Bnagalore.

5 nights in search of Mother

Looking at my dust gathering sarees and here comes the festive seasons. Four days of Navaratri passed uneventful. Although my apartment ladies are rehearsing for one night of DJ garba and I have joined but its not enough. Rehearsing is also too much for free spirited person who only spin with dhol be-taal!

Anyway, the trigger came, one of dear friend had sunderkand on Tuesday of navaratri (considered auspicious timing). Being part of this melodious chopai signing worked wonder. The crescendo brought so much energy and joy. Devotional music touched when its sung by bhakt with Bhaav without paying much attention to technicality! These marvadi singers made everyone chant for ‘Mata di’ at the end and I thought I must now make effort to be part of Mataji ni stuti somewhere.

So next day, I end up at place where alternative therapist arranges Guided meditation on Ma Durga. I like the idea of guided meditation. It is bit like outsourcing worshippers. Good na? we don’t have to go through crowd, worry about chappals being taken and all the rest. I was right there by Gangaji and taking darshan of beautiful Durga ji. My guide enlightened me with wonders of Durgamatha and gave me Shri Durga Sapt shati Charitra. Ok bedtime reading sorted for tonight! Let me just read the hindi translation and I am fascinated. This Kavach stotra written in ancient time in Sanskrit describes how different forms are associated with different body parts and those forms are prayed for specific protections! So I pray…..
mata kaumari to protect my teeth
Chandika for whole voice box region
Chitra ghaunta quality of voice tone
Mahamaya for palate
Kamakshi for tonsils
Sarvamangala for speech
bhadrakali for neck
Dhanurdhari near spine
Neelgriva outside of kanth and inside tube nalkuberi!!
……..and so on…. Kavach thanks each of devi maa who protect our entire body, complete anatomy!!

WOW, this is from time when doctors, surgeons certainly and E.N.T were non existant!! I now know why they call Hinduism the most scientific religion. All powerful Maa Bhagavati ne AshtottrPranaam. They say she destroyes fears, people who mean harm to you and everything negative. So Ma Durge, please come I am rolling red carpet.

So now what? I was told Sri Sri himself performs puja for navratra, and ashtami puja is not worth missing at all. He carries the whole process as they used to do in ancient times. There was Maharudra on saptami. How can I miss that being shivite? 7 am I am at Ashram and its buzzing with activity. Public toilets are working over time with long queue by long distance traveller bathing for the day. I am heading toward massive mandap area. Slowly its filling up with devotees. At least 2000 aspiring Julia roberts and Richard gere from many countries. One thing thy had all in common was Indian outfits. Sarees. Slawars, kurta, skirt, anything airy, flowy with colourful print. Anything but black and blue jeans. The shade is not decorated but mandap where thr was sthaapan is adorned with fragranceful flowers. Some volunteers are bringing five platter ful of closed cup pink lotuses. Mataji’s sthapan is done in big kalash in beautifulway that’s seen from a distance. Karnatik music and five shahenaiwala. Mandap is getting full with lots of beautiful dressed ladies. I wonder what makes them smile and giggle and chucke or sit in silence with eys closed for hours!! I am injected with intoxicating doze of most virant clours, fabrics, jewllwery and not forgetting mogra garland hanging onto freshly shampooed long locks of graceful ladies. How can I miss gajra, my nasal sense is taking as much as it could and still this ope air massive mandap has enough fragrance to fill up the air. Just to see invogue styles, prints, colours and jewelley design this visit was worth it. But there is more to come….

Music is drumming up faster and there is sensation around that anyminute Guraji must be coming, yes, he arrives and entire mass gets up. Girl next to me in soft voice that would hardly reach my ears forget reaching Guruji, calls him ‘Guruji’ (as if he is going hear!). I wonder so many people see this special soul as their ‘own’. It was truly one big family event. Family next to me had come from jalgaav, all teachers of AOL and now they don’t want any holidays, instead come twice yearly to this Bangalore Ashram only. I felt quite good I did not have to travel 2 days for this previledge. This maharastrian lady describs previous day’s Ganesh Pujan’s Bhaav. What next she described is something to be experienced only. And the chanting for Maharudra begins….

There are couple of hundred young Brahmin boys, or may be more. Some from tender middle school years, some bigger, some appeared to be in undergraduate. All covered half in white cotton muslin with gold rim. Barring some with ‘laddoo belly’, most were fit and with interesting hair-do. I wonder their style had anything to do with their grades!! Their chanting took me to different time and place all togather. All singing by heart with clear Sanskrit diction complete with uhm and uhai at the end. Each word we could clearly hear. For entire ceremony of maharudra carried out with same enery. I am glad India has new generation of Brahmins who can sing so well all the stotra. That brings 2 thoughts 1, I don’t know much about my ancestors language but I am happy these younger enlightened torch bearer will perform my last rites if I am fortunate and 2, may be idea for another reality TV show to bring out the best of Sanskrit from every able and eager seeker. Shiv ji’s stutis sound always masculine as opposed Krushna who inspired most classical and romantic songs. They all were honoured with rose garlands and carried procession of sthapana to Sri Sri. The rest remains experiencial account… I see joys all around some people starts dancing, there are tears rolling. Its been 4 hours by now but nobody is moving from their seat. One Japanese lady dances that can be decribed a cross between karate and belle! But nobody pays any attention to anybody. People are coming back to themselves. Dhoon starts and as it piks up the tempo there is surge of energy. Some start to come through me too. One young lad leads shiv ji’s dhoon on guitar. Taking naman I rush out. I suddenly remembered I am rooted in my sansaarik cobweb still and left. I have been told that till 2012 all the troubles brought by Satrun can be tames by chanting 'Aum Shivay Namah'. So Shivji please come to me too.

Came home and little neighbour friend called me Auntie stavan has started please come to I wrap the same white and gold saree to join them. Embarrassed for forgetting arriving late I ask hastily give me the prayer book and they looked at me with that impossible look att these senior ladies 'its in telugu' dear. This my kairali neighbour friend who comes from Koimbtur has joined elderly Telugu grandmothers group so her little girl knows all there is to know and feel about navaratri!! They visit every home one by one and invoke different mata ji. first 3 days its Durga ma, second lot of tree days for Lakshmi and third trplet for Ma saraswati. So they sang Lalitha Kavach, Saraswathi ashtor naam and there was book and instrument kept at the sthapan. Very heartwarming singing session ended in company of shikh, marathi Gujarati, keraki and telugu ladies.

Ashtami I have other plans…
Going to best garba venue in Bangalore- palace grounds.

Give us a twirl!!

Like Chetan Bhagat's One night at call centre, I had experience of one day at call centre for their hiring process. I will tell you all about this changing scene and spirit of India but for now I share about what I said for interview to prove Britishers would understand spoken English of Gujarati medium educated lady from Rayjcoat!

What do you think a middle aged lady would say for five minutes? 'Saree' ofcourse!

I have found sari as eternal as ancient Indian culture and as new as IT outsourcing to India. Sari reminds me of my childhood, fragrance of my mother wrapped in soft muslin. I started trying out wearing sari at tender age of 4 making sure that pleates dont create lumps and bumps around my waist.

I was fortunate enough to intertwin my love for sari and love for design living in Britain. One of the London museum invited community memebers to take part in sari design competition. the brief described how Indians use design inspirations from their surrounding for example peacocks, mango and elephants combined with local craftsmanship and artistry. Same way NRIs had to use their british surrounding to come up with concept. I chose 3 unique aspect of UK life to create my sketch books.

first, idea I developed was 'tudors'. I created corsett style blouse in ivory raw silk with black lines from piping black silk, like a woonden planks to make it look like wooden black and white tudor house. this was accompanied with flowy chiffon with 3 giant tudor roses for pallu.

Second one, was stamps, postal service is british gift to reast of the world. I tried to symbolize that. Each over lapping stamp to high light high profile faces from british science, politics and sports etc. Blouse to go with like red post boxes of rooyal british times!!

Third design, based on english language itsel with its rich literature. I used words, snaps of poets and writers and blasted words fro famous verses with inetersting juxtaposition..

Today like indian youth has put sari on top inaccessible shelf, british youth have put their language supremacy on top shelf where buddying young minds cant reach. They all are settling for cyber slang and pop language.

coming back to its homein India, I have mixed feelings observing the trends of sari and how its heading towards confined compartment. Lot of new designers use sari as walking canvas for their modern technique of combining fabric, modern embroidery to use threads and paints in contemporary way. No ceremeny is complete without a glamorous sari.

Sari makes a lady look faminine, elegant and sensual. It easily outnumber variety of regional cusine from differnt corners of India and variety of fabric to suit the mood from romance to sorrow and blouses to match, seduction to sainthood.

Sari is versatile tool too. It works as crib for infant sleeping next to poor labouror lady to swing outside huts for toddlers. It is mosquito net at dusk and keeps warm in winter and cool in summer acting as sun screen on hot summer afternoons. it works as sitting mat, rolled as cushion, napkin, blanket, a sack to carry veg from lariwala, basket to collect flowers from morning walks. List elongates with your own imagination.

However, I am saddened to see that sari is being pushes to two extreme end of Indian society. On one hand there are designer sari being used for catwalks that cost fortune, certainly more expensive than buying gold and silver in some cases. On other hand it is stuck with counter job girls, porters, hostesses or labourors. One of the effect of globalization, middle India has entered jeans generation. youth will refuse to wear sari without reason. it is being taken as fancy dress for Indian gathering and while the ceremony is half way girls as young as 9 years start asking if they can change their expensive slawar, lahenga or saree for jeans.

I donr have problem with jeans. Jeans have travelled long way from cowboy america to India today.What I would say to youth today though.. Chillax, girls!! when you wear jeans dont fret about the size and when you wear sari feel comfortable about your identity without fear of appearing orthodox. Flaunt both!! it is called true democracy of dressing up!!

for my PTA in UK and X.Mas parties everytime I walked in fellow british friends envied and said 'Give us a twirl'.

Anxiety

Karna's status anxiety: Anxiety about one's place in the world tends to distort one's character. Karna boasts in order to be observed, to be attended to, to be taken notice of with sympathy, complacency and approbation. The attention of other people matters because human beings are uncertain of their own worth. Our sense of identity is held hostage to the opinion of others. We may not admit it but We all seek to be loved by the world hence the anxiety about how we are percieved. No human being is immune from this weakness. from book 'The difficulty of being good'!!

Indulge

OMG! We are four months into new year, already!! I have not wished anyone!! I want to thank all of you in Manchester for giving me warmth in bone chilling winter in January. Most horribly slow time would have left me dead without you all.

After travelling for 3 engagement, 1 wedding I am back home taking stock of my life once more!!

Boring me. I wrote so much about travelling by richshaws, and servants and buses and all that unglorified stuff.

We now deserve a bit of Spa treatment, don’t we?

I have tried to pamper some of family to spa treatment in Angasana. Mainly Oriental style massages. Hot rock, java, this one and that one, menu is as elaborate as Taj Restaurant. But there are cornerside parlours and give almost same feel good while doing ordinary facial too. My young neighbor just gave a birth to a baby and asked me if I can find a lady to bathe a little one and massage her. Best part about living in India is I don’t have to go looking for services, services come hunting for me. Who should bump into me at my apartment gates? May be I appeared to worn out she thought of me as deserving customer. Whatever the reason I found just the person to recommend to my friend and be good Samaritan for my neighbor!! And having heard story of Lord Rama and Shabri I like to taste what I suggest or serve so why not me first?

She would visit me like a milkman, newspaper man… and daily do something to pamper you. Whole body massage, head massage, fruit facial massage, foot spa, nail spa, weight reducing massage, fairness massage, pregnancy massage, delivery massage, arthritic one and so on there is long list. She recommends different oils for different purpose.

She scanned me and announced I need atleast 6 month daily to declutter body of all that accumulated unwanted fat deposits. And now with all these who needs superficial facials when your blood circulation is improved and you start to glow from inside out.

Thank you Lord and Bless Keyur for spoiling me.

Hunger management - Yogic way

One of the activity I really really missed was our Bhavan Yoga. Jackie is super and introduced me to my own every muscle and chakras in Manchester. Now after a long break I found someone to start baby step again, the yogic way in its heartland.
Its 3 week yoga program in my own club house. Its conducted by a young lad and a lady associate. To do what they are doing one has to go to residential yoga school outside Bangalore. He promised I would lose 4 kg in 3 weeks minimum.

Tough challenge for him!!

First days he coolly announced eat what you like as much as you like.

Next 3 days he kept us on khichadi with 3 spoonful of pure ghee. Every morning he makes us do 1 hour of fast and furious yoga.

The exercises are complimented with Kriya.

First one is Kunjar kriya. (Kunjar Sanskrit for hathi/elephant ) and makes you drink saline at one shot and throw out as elephants with force. Cleansed my oesophagus/food pipe. Wow! Whatey feeling refreshing all the way without eating mint. Suddenly felt gush of cool air touching me all the way in.

Next comes Fruit diet for 2 days followed by shankh prakshalan. Shankh meaning counch. Pour water from throat and comes same clean water from back. This is done by drinking a litre of saline by rounds of aasana and drink and aasanas so on..till your entire body- all folds and nook and crany has been rinsed with warm salted water. Osum! My stomach is as pure as new born baby now. Feel so light and bouncy. Already feel like doing some extra work or art project.

Next comes milk diet… for that, 3 days we cover left nostril and breath only through right. Right breath decides metabolism rate. What it means by breathing only through right you are increasing your metabolism to firey hot state and body learns to use own accumulated fat deposits when hungry. Milk I guess to keep cool. Made me feel very thirsty but no water recommended. However if desperate remove the block from left nostril to take water sips to avoid nosea. Nature has designed such a fascinating body!!

One must eat only when right nose is active and you are hungry . check your own body signal before stuffing my guide guru declares.

And one more week to go… my batch mates have lost from 2 kg to 5 kg weight. I lost 2 but I cheat a bit too. And the way he makes us do yoga has changed the definition of it altogether. Wants be to be young again.

High light is do pranayam:
Drink atleast 3 glasses of water one hour before meals. It triggers your digestive juices. If hungry and if right nose works it. If right stops, stop eating too. After meal sip sip only for 3 to 4 hours and again 4 glasses of water. If you have important meeting, exams, presentations make sure your left nose only is working. As default left only must work until you get hunger. Eating curd closes the hunger valve hence the tradition of giving sugar and curd as shukan as it seals your mouth while on mission.

few breathing exercise before food for hunger check it reduces unwanted binging anyway. Jindal treatment at door step. Lucky me!!

debilitating

When Slumdog Millionaire came, India Knight introduced me to the term ‘poverty porn’. It is for people who get kick out of watching images of misery and poverty of others and at times get tonic for being ‘do gooder’. I certainly don’t belong there. I also understand people who despise emotional crap. East or west ‘emo’ are looked down upon. But I want to put my week’s sight seeing so here I go again…

I almost enjoyed Sanyaasashrum for a while when I was alone but Indian Ocean has power to bring even robots to Life. You cant stand on the shore and watch for long. Before you know it, a tide comes and sweeps you right in deep waters... Before I can consult my inner self about righteousness to be on the side of either Savitri or Gangamma, I am dragged and drenched in the thick of their ordeal. Isn’t that ironic that she should find me from crowded neighborhood, who would know better than me what she is going through with her stomach problems? All be it reluctantly.

…..So Gangamma did not get better, after usual X-Ray, CT scan and all, she needs surgical treatment. Savitri called her own mother to be by the side of patient as she herself wants to keep working and look after 3 kids; one of Gangaama and 2 of her own with running of house. I asked ‘why your mother, why not call G’s parents?’ and I hear ‘G has no family’.

Oh now I am intrigued! Now I have questions about perceived Villian Venky for hurting both ladies! But let it unfold at its own pace, we have urgent health need to be taken care of.

Savitri smarter of the two can speak, 3 broken languages, write phone numbers in English and handles everything around Gangamma. Her son is taking care of G’s girl of under 2 years. She wants only Bhaiya to dress her up before she goes to her English medium ‘Sunshine’ nursery. Knowing the health development, now Savitri’s mother rushes her married son and Savitri’s brother from their village (he is married and after a girl child opted for operation, who says unpadh, gunvaar pay too much emphasis to boy child?) with 10 k ruppees. Madam ko denaa pade toh tum jaldi jao. And Savitri needs him to accompany her at night due to fear of safety(!) and to run tiffins for their mother and G. Savitri has no issues that her kids go to Kannada medium or the casepaper refers Gangama as ‘Mrs. Gangamma’. Life without any issues of any nature. In fact after liberating herself and kids, now G has moved in with her. None of them want vicious Venky near them.

(So Bhai bhi hai and yeh sub bhi karta hai! That would be envy for some)

After first independent visit to Government Hospital Victoria, they repeated four times Madam, hospital thik nahi hai. I thought they are not happy with Hospital so I asked what other options we can think of from limited money? Do you prefer to go else where? No she clarifies. ‘madam, TUMHARE LIYE thik nahi hai, 5 minute bhi aap ko le jana thik nahi.

The building is a cross between majestic british empire building with roman columns, emblems , gold verdigris and a cold stone built jail. I felt as if I would choke with the feel and condition of the building, patients and processes. Once admitted I had hard time changing her unit and surgeon. No computer records to see the progress, no way I can get hold of desired doctor, no food for patient, plenty of mosquitos at night. Big frame of queen Victoria’s lace has been eaten up by fungus and nearly same of the great ramanujan and radhakrishnan.

OH too much to take in. I am burdened with gulit..
I could not generate fund to change her to bigger and better place.
I wish I could make walls of OPD bit more interesting and bearable by spray paint,
I wish I had blanket for mother to spend night on floor.
I wish I did not have to put up with greeting ‘swine flu’ testing as I entered.
In the ward I keep my eyes to my self, in case I get drawn to other Gs.
I try not to breath in case I get flu of some description from unsightly infirms.
Although so much of cheering and jeering from Keyur and his colleagues I could not move her to another unit. When I tried to speak to her original surgeon he asked ‘mere se operation nahi karavaana hai, kya?’
see, surgeons are very possessive about their patients undergoing surgery elsewhere !!!

So defeated on all account like a 'charity school drop out kid' I came back home. I reassured ‘S’ and family that we need to have some faith in God. We did what we could, in fact instead of hating, you are caring so lets shake the guilt out. If that helps me shake my own frustration for not doing enough.

Every time S talks about other ladies she refers as 'woh telugu maam’, ‘woh bangaalee maam’, ‘tamil mam’ so I had to ask her this, ‘mera naam kya rakha hai?’ she covers her eyes with shyness and says with giggle ‘doctor madam’! that’s fastest and easiest way I can get a ‘degree’. And in Rick, rickshawalla tell her, mera madam, mera madam kya bolata hai yeh toh tumara bhagwan hai. (now I know how we got 33 Cr devathas!!). On ward they saw me as Gangamma’s hero. Zero to hero in one journey across Bangalore is not a bad deal.

So treatment continues…life continues…