debilitating

When Slumdog Millionaire came, India Knight introduced me to the term ‘poverty porn’. It is for people who get kick out of watching images of misery and poverty of others and at times get tonic for being ‘do gooder’. I certainly don’t belong there. I also understand people who despise emotional crap. East or west ‘emo’ are looked down upon. But I want to put my week’s sight seeing so here I go again…

I almost enjoyed Sanyaasashrum for a while when I was alone but Indian Ocean has power to bring even robots to Life. You cant stand on the shore and watch for long. Before you know it, a tide comes and sweeps you right in deep waters... Before I can consult my inner self about righteousness to be on the side of either Savitri or Gangamma, I am dragged and drenched in the thick of their ordeal. Isn’t that ironic that she should find me from crowded neighborhood, who would know better than me what she is going through with her stomach problems? All be it reluctantly.

…..So Gangamma did not get better, after usual X-Ray, CT scan and all, she needs surgical treatment. Savitri called her own mother to be by the side of patient as she herself wants to keep working and look after 3 kids; one of Gangaama and 2 of her own with running of house. I asked ‘why your mother, why not call G’s parents?’ and I hear ‘G has no family’.

Oh now I am intrigued! Now I have questions about perceived Villian Venky for hurting both ladies! But let it unfold at its own pace, we have urgent health need to be taken care of.

Savitri smarter of the two can speak, 3 broken languages, write phone numbers in English and handles everything around Gangamma. Her son is taking care of G’s girl of under 2 years. She wants only Bhaiya to dress her up before she goes to her English medium ‘Sunshine’ nursery. Knowing the health development, now Savitri’s mother rushes her married son and Savitri’s brother from their village (he is married and after a girl child opted for operation, who says unpadh, gunvaar pay too much emphasis to boy child?) with 10 k ruppees. Madam ko denaa pade toh tum jaldi jao. And Savitri needs him to accompany her at night due to fear of safety(!) and to run tiffins for their mother and G. Savitri has no issues that her kids go to Kannada medium or the casepaper refers Gangama as ‘Mrs. Gangamma’. Life without any issues of any nature. In fact after liberating herself and kids, now G has moved in with her. None of them want vicious Venky near them.

(So Bhai bhi hai and yeh sub bhi karta hai! That would be envy for some)

After first independent visit to Government Hospital Victoria, they repeated four times Madam, hospital thik nahi hai. I thought they are not happy with Hospital so I asked what other options we can think of from limited money? Do you prefer to go else where? No she clarifies. ‘madam, TUMHARE LIYE thik nahi hai, 5 minute bhi aap ko le jana thik nahi.

The building is a cross between majestic british empire building with roman columns, emblems , gold verdigris and a cold stone built jail. I felt as if I would choke with the feel and condition of the building, patients and processes. Once admitted I had hard time changing her unit and surgeon. No computer records to see the progress, no way I can get hold of desired doctor, no food for patient, plenty of mosquitos at night. Big frame of queen Victoria’s lace has been eaten up by fungus and nearly same of the great ramanujan and radhakrishnan.

OH too much to take in. I am burdened with gulit..
I could not generate fund to change her to bigger and better place.
I wish I could make walls of OPD bit more interesting and bearable by spray paint,
I wish I had blanket for mother to spend night on floor.
I wish I did not have to put up with greeting ‘swine flu’ testing as I entered.
In the ward I keep my eyes to my self, in case I get drawn to other Gs.
I try not to breath in case I get flu of some description from unsightly infirms.
Although so much of cheering and jeering from Keyur and his colleagues I could not move her to another unit. When I tried to speak to her original surgeon he asked ‘mere se operation nahi karavaana hai, kya?’
see, surgeons are very possessive about their patients undergoing surgery elsewhere !!!

So defeated on all account like a 'charity school drop out kid' I came back home. I reassured ‘S’ and family that we need to have some faith in God. We did what we could, in fact instead of hating, you are caring so lets shake the guilt out. If that helps me shake my own frustration for not doing enough.

Every time S talks about other ladies she refers as 'woh telugu maam’, ‘woh bangaalee maam’, ‘tamil mam’ so I had to ask her this, ‘mera naam kya rakha hai?’ she covers her eyes with shyness and says with giggle ‘doctor madam’! that’s fastest and easiest way I can get a ‘degree’. And in Rick, rickshawalla tell her, mera madam, mera madam kya bolata hai yeh toh tumara bhagwan hai. (now I know how we got 33 Cr devathas!!). On ward they saw me as Gangamma’s hero. Zero to hero in one journey across Bangalore is not a bad deal.

So treatment continues…life continues…

Touch-me-Not

Wonder what brings out in a person when touched unexpectedly?

Going back to my bus rides again…

Other day I was in childish mood and on crowded bus when I did not show consideration or common sense to slide toward window and would not budge from my seat. When a middle age lady requests I sqeeze myself in a ball so she can go past me and I hold on to my isle seat. No sooner she set in her place, she did nummun to me and ending the gesture with hand on her heart. Why? I don’t have any blessing to offer and I could be younger than you. I never noticed her brushing me. May be she thought she disturbed the aura of Gruhini from Bhadra-samaj by feather touch of her saree! That’s so polite from a so called illiterate but being aware and considerate to space occupied by other than her own body.

But there is touch and there is TOUCH.

Another day I was again on the bus in front seat accompanied by a young girl with some study books in her lap and reading her stuff. Suddenly, she gets up, turns around (entire bus is her auditorium now) and demontrates her ‘public speaking’ skill with leadership skills that makes Bill Clinton looks like a singer. What happened? did I do something? OH ok, Now I understand the boy occupying the seat exactly behind her probably was travelling for the first time in city bus and afraid of falling over, holding on to seat in front so strategically as if on roller coaster ride!!! Not appreciated by young girl, got very public objection. Driver and rest of the bus who could now see the girls face, conductor no one said anything or even noticed for that matter. I was hoping few ladies will turn up to her help if she was distressed by ‘abuse’ and needed few helpline numbers or social workers holding the guy for social disorder act. But No. No need for prolonging.

‘Its your problem you sort out’ And its sorted there and then and very effectively. And the journey continued without anyone ending the ride due to embarrassment.

Sati Saga continued...

Further development in reference to ‘maid-hum’ blog…

Picture abhi baki thaa!!

Finally, after Keyur-Kamya’s complain to me about my dealings with Savitri, I stopped gup-sup with her in the mornings and due to her late start my morning tea was shared with Keyur instead with her so there was total communication break. I also have now a morning walk partner so I leave Savitri alone to mind her business while I am out walking. One fine morning I returned home to find she was asking Keyur for help with her sister’s health.

I was not too keen to get involved and asked her to visit nearby hospital at first instance but she insisted she will only go with me and only to ‘saaraa’ hospital.

Maidum, saree raat dukhataa hai, kauno dekhata nahi hai. Vankatesh toh mar jayegi toh bhi parvaa nahi.

In the morning I find her with silent tears waiting for me and I reassured ‘chintaa mut karo. Sub thik ho jayega.’

To that Savitri clarified on her behalf that she is crying for her little girl of under 2 years. She gave mamma cuddle and cried helplessly ‘mamma tum thik nahi ho. Mere hug dene se jyadaa dukh ho to main door baithu?’ Dudh pita bachha bhi dekhata hai. Savitri and Gangamma (as we call her) were touched with poor child’s love and thoughtfulness.

Oh, so that’s why she is in tears not because she is in pain.

After postponing for a day or two finally we went to Wockhardt to see Keyur’s colleague.

So symbol of purity and purifying Gangamma who is actually ‘other woman’, and what do I say about compassionate Savitri? There is something more in life than ego, status quo, pains, gains, religion, philosophy that is humanity. She also knows that trouble is with immature men and not women.
Getting off from Rick, Savitri asked ‘maidum thik toh ho jayega na?’

bollywood bites: Ritik looks irresistible in reliance pied pier advert and lifts the brand for sure. Who says Kajol cant do movies? All the advert she has done is one movie legnth long!! But she appears to be passing time or grabing bread and butter jobs from her assignments.

Being hospitable

Dear friends, Its not that I don’t remember you all but it seemed life has been uneventful. It’s easier to end up writing when you internalize your feelings. Now that Keyur is here I end up talking about everything that I see, hear and feel. Also I feel less like a tourist and more at home so wondering has reduced. Also, at times I feel resigned as to why this endless explanation, who would want to know from a person without a purpose.

Anyway, after coming, pillar of my strength and smile of my soul, my mother dug our flat in ahmedabad to make it more comfortable for her ‘foreign returned kids’!! Two months sitting in the middle of heap of cement and sand took its toll on everyone but she is the one who never complained once and not only that, made every recipe with lot of care to suit our taste buds cooking on floor in single room living space. Still, every morning I wake up with aroma of sukhdi, upama, peanut halwa and what have you. And I ask why? There is no need when there are no resources and she goes 'in case so and so ends up coming' and that 'so and so likes that item' so she is ready with token of her affection for that individual that she would be carrying all the time. She is eternally overflowing with love and whoever comes across receives it and moves on. To me she is true ‘hospitality industry’ in herself. Nothing in the world can beat that. But today I want to write about real Indian hospitality Industry.

So now I had reason to find out about party scene in India. I enquired to various known names, Taj vivanta, palm meadows, oazone, unwind island etc etc to gather and with help of local new and some long time friends and relatives I approached and finalised with one hotel, savannah. It is first time I kept my head sleepy through out planning. Bit like mental paralysis. It just happened without much effort from me. Only thing I had to do was think aloud and I got help from friends, friends-friends and drivers of friends-friends!! Last Diwali I made assorted 3 variety of fruit jams. This year nothing! Thought this party is good reason to think of something as take away return gift. As soon as I expressed my desire I got idea from a well wishers on ways I could do it. Nobody said once ‘r u sure u want to do this?’, ‘there is no need to do this’. People don’t question or challenge your social commitment. Next comes budget… again nobody judges or gets impressed by what you can do. ‘Yatha-shakti’ is appreciated and implemented with respect however little. Even if I had settled to distribute elphants as return gift, without goose bumps they would have suggested the best way to acquire them and how to manage before party and how to arrange distribution. There were suggestions to give freshly made chocolates and there was suggestion for stuffing goody bags with chashew preparation with chocolate. I chose the nutty option.

And the real stuff is the dinner. It is reassuring to have chef, event manager and a friend all sit together and discuss various dishes. I was silent observer of new trends. First lesson is that any variety of Koftas are out of favourites-list. It has been replaced by lot of dishes of lightly prepared vegetables in range that streches from mexico to guantanamo bay. When chef came to know that party is being planned in his hotel and not catered else where, was delighted and volunteered that he can be as creative as he can be. I needed to know how? He described how he can almost create a kitchen theatre by some dessert menus. We chose Flambe fruits they prepare fruits as they do Christmas pudding on fire and sets the atmosphere. The pancake station and the list is end less.

Maam we will keep six variety of mocktails. Sounds good to me I am already sold. (I only know what it took for me to make even one fruit punch starting from carrying bagful of fruits from Tesco) Six mocktails prepared and served by others is unthinkable luxury for me. Let my friend negotiate on prices and number of cocktails. My thirst was already quenched and I remained satisfied detached observer.

Now I had to choose 3 salad from 20. Not too bad, I can visualize some and I can taste some. Some I could try from their buffet counter before I decide at lunch time. Thanks to a friend this buffet was offered to figure out what we would really like.

Now the overwhelming part. Choose four vegetables from over 100. Divided mainly in 4 categories. One from Paneer and cheese. Other three from International cuisine, oriental and Indian. Same categories applied to again seasonal vegetable preparations. Not my cuppaT!! I allowed my doctor lady companion to make the decision. She knew the new trends and tried global recipes. (doctor and not talking about oncalls and medicine but passionate about creative cooking and world cuisine!! That’s very refreshing change to my ears ) What I also feel is when you eat Indian food outside India its way below the standard Indians can prepare, even if it is prepared by Indian residing abroad. Where as Indians here can take any world cuisine and make it so appeatizing!! Mexican obergine subji!! The list is mind blowing, mouth watering.

They prepared the welcome board for guests and the staff circulated to ask for drinks and starters. I did not have to go in overdrive to check and say ‘have this, try this’.

Hotel manager not just sorted the food and the décor he also suggested about organzing DJ and MC. DJ I have heard before but what is MC? I gave blank look feeling bit like a tarzen just entering the civilization. MC, you know! master of ceremony. He gave range of options again. This guys and gals are endlessly enegetic, work in offices in day and evening they plan events and some days perform. They are in all shapes and sizes and value attached. Some command lot of money bcos doing small time parties is not their style. They work with corporate giants only. Their charges start from 10k to 2.5 lakh. Just like my chef he recited many themes to choose from caricature artist, tattoo, table magicians and the list is long. Again its how they package and sell those predictable art to suit the party is interesting. I called DJ and he was off to Goa for some carnival but arranged everything and remained on phone with his associates here through out party if they were following the time and requirements. He suggested number of DJs and understood our need and respected our fobias about kind of DJ/MC we can have due to sizeable young crowd with girls as well as guys.

He did not raise eyebrows when he realized that basically we were looking for someone like ramdevbaba with little bit of knowldge of hiphop. He promptly reassured me he had just the person in mind, only it will cost more. Never once he made us feel we were weird and he tried till last minute to find suitable person. Not only that his services extended way beyond his call of duty as DJ. For me he was event manager and also when anxious kid expressed objection to planning he said 'maam, let me do the talking'. He got her to think our way in the end so he acted as proffessional councillor. On way back from Goa he picked up CD of photos for me before coming to collect his dues. He was eager to see all the photos and get introduced to who's'who. (Business expansion w/o MBA) and when going through photos I expressed horror to my size, he had solution ready in pocket. 'Maam dont worry, give me you PC and he tweeked few pixels to eliminate undesirables'

He even arranged phographer. I don’t know what photographer looked like as he was there but almost invisible. Most pictures he took were natural rather specially given poses, Aaah that’s better somebody thinks like me. When I got engaged nobody understood beauty of real life photos instead people preferred to give forced smiles.

So that’s the end of partying to mark my kitten entering kidult to adulthood. She says she had the best birthday ever. she says Indians are the most sociable without hang ups and join in effortlessly when you come up with idea. That was my experiment with heady mix of having young crowd along with elder community relatives and professional friends and neighbours. I was nervous and restless if it backfire. From choice of music, food, cloths everything has to be considered keeping in mind broader section of society present on the same floor but I think it went just fine. For some watching these youth dancing away was a show or theatre as they would never go to disco techs. We ended the event by waving good bye to party place situated on terrace by the pool.

We had cracking diwali too. Keyur got 2 firework items only. Both 10,000 loom of tadaafudee. One in ahmedabad and one in Bangalore. I thought my blog was becoming dominated by festival after festival so took a break!! Fond memories of days spent with you all. More later……...